‘Ello me name’s Dave. I’m yer black and white splodgy version of Grant Mitchell. Bin duckin’ an divin’, bobbin’ an weavin’ in an’ about yer Boults Walk for a while. Me local gaff, the Wellington, got boarded up so I ‘ang abaht in the ‘indu temple.
A family man frew an frew, I loves a family knees-up, but somehow I managed to get meself into a spot of bovver; seems me lovely dainty daughter Tinkerbell is also me niece.
Would you Adam and Eve it? Them snooty ol’ gals next door but one don’t arf give me the evils, but I’m a changed geezer since the opo; no more bad boy fat cheeks and attitude. I’m a regular bloke now; I likes a quiet pint at the boozer and readin’ the ol Sun.
Dave and his probation officer can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can use the same email address if you would like your Katesgrove cat to be profiled.